Regaining One’s Trust

We are free to think; free to plan and free to do anything, but once an action has been taken, we are never free from its consequences.  Indeed, we must be accountable of the acts that we did.

I cherish and appreciate all of my friends.  With them, I am strong and accepted.  They give me advice when I am in agony; cheer me up whenever I am lonely; and mold me for who I am now.  They are one of my strengths and reasons why I continue to live life.  But somehow, I feel mad at myself because there were times that I made some deplorable mistakes.  A mistake that I think could lead them to distrust me, hate me or worst, completely forget that I was once their friend.

I'm Sorry!

There were two incidents that made me think that I am the worst friend a person could have.  It happened one Sunday night.  I never imagined I would do that horrible thing.  I know it was my fault.  Hoping that those things will not reign in my mind, but still, I can’t help myself. I do not know why?  I have plunged our friendship into peril and distrust.

I can’t even look into her eyes, knowing for myself that I made a blunder; a horrible deed.  I do not deserve for her trust and friendship.   Time is slowly ticking and I can’t even do anything to regain or solve my aberrant act.  No matter how much I repent, I can’t seem to bring back the feeling I used to feel when I am with her.  There were even times when I’ve tried all imaginable ways of physically hurting myself. I’d punch my body and hit my head against the bed just to forget what I’ve done. Even in my dreams, this mistake keeps haunting me. I can’t barely sleep in solace like what I used to be.  My conscience ever so faithful to remind me of the shameful deed I have made.  When I am alone, all I do is to ponder about the things that may happen if she knew what I have done. Faking a smile is all I can do to hide the pain – be furtive.

I don’t want to lose our friendship, and I do not also want to tell her my fault for its so embarrassing and infamy. All I want to do now is to continue our companionship even if there is something going wrong.  But how long will I be able to hide this unpardonable mistake? Where would this lie lead me just to protect my ego?

Another big question that lingers in my head is, HOW CANI REGAIN ONE’S TRUST even though you hide something?