Here I Go Again

As the title portrays, I am now venturing the river of this unknown feeling once more. Indeed, I broke my promise to myself that I will be in a relationship just once. I said to my very self that if I have given a chance to have a girlfriend, that girl will be the one who will walk with me along the aisle while the chorale are singing our favorite wedding songs.

Then she came; the feeling was indescribable as if no words can explain how I am so happy with her.  I was so blessed that she entered my world without any hesitations and for that I was the happiest person living in this kaleidoscope world.   But no love stories or any movies that has no hurdles. We’re not in fantasy world that happiness always reigned.  We broke up just like an ordinary movie that simply ends and leaves a question, WHY?

Years, months, days, minutes, seconds and milliseconds gone by, I was so lonely; I was abandoned by someone who’s been with me all the time. I just let fate decide for when my love story will start again; accept the things that had happened; swallowed the bitterness of this destiny.

Ok, I start my new life as if nothing ensued - an existence that I am more used to – being SINGLE.  Laughter at last sits beside me again but still imperfect.  I continue working, making myself busy; waiting for the faithful fate to knock at my heart while carrying a girl that will bring the pieces of puzzle that will complete my life. Then she finally came… a whole new world is setting up as it paints my smile in the vivid horizon.

I do not know how to start this madness.  All I know that I am happy with her.  She brought the smile again to me – but we’re just friends and nothing beyond that, for sure.  I ignore this feeling, trying again to forge myself because it might ruin our friendship or put this into peril.  I hide it for so long in my deepest heart that I am not her type, I guess.   So, I acted normal, a typical friend and coworker; talked to her as if I have none something inside.  But, there were times that I can’t hold this feeling of mine.  My coworkers and friends noticed it already and I do not know if she already did as well and just simply ignore it. I keep on holding the words that my heart wants to tell for so long because she might neglect my love.

Que sera sera… That’s it.  All I know that I am happy with her — by this, I am contented and here I go again.