Have you ever felt that you were useless, at any point?
Today is October 15, 2015, and it is already 10:47PM and I feel alone. The only things that seat beside me are my laptop, my cellphone and an empty chair. They are so loyal to me. They never leave me. This desk has been my abode ever since I started experiencing this self-annoyance. I have my boardmates and yes, when you call them, they will surely respond.
But now, I am having this feeling that I felt for almost 2-3 weeks. I do not know, but I feel I am futile in this world that I am living. No one sees my importance. No one appreciates the things that I did. It feels like I am invisible. It seems that they don’t need me anymore.
Yes, I am pertaining to my former students, my best buddies, my co-workers, my friends and the people whom I am close with. I am not used to of this; I am used to of always smiling, cracking jokes and giving the whole gang an ecstasy. And now, at this very moment, I think I need this kind of treatment. I want to laugh, to forget the things that I did wrongly, buried my agonies… with this, I can feel that I am not useless. I want someone ask my advice, or tell me that they need me, or invite me for a drink without any reason, just a small talk. But, none. No one hears my voice.
I am sitting in this hot-seat after my work everyday. It’s my routine. I open my facebook, answering emails, listen to music depending on my mood, and making myself busy with the things I am no longer enjoying. I socialized daily thru facebook, and yes, it entertains me but there’s a thing that is lacking. I feel incomplete and lost. Maybe, I am jealous because my boardmates have their partner in life, while me? seating in this corner of condo with no one to talk to.
I know I can control my emotion. I trained myself with this kind of scenario, but at this very moment, it seems that I will lose in this battle. What should I do?
0 comments:
Post a Comment