Broken Trust: Is Still Broken

I believe in second chances, that is why there are CTRL + Z and Backspace in computer – to undo the things we did. Besides, we are not perfect. Temptations are everywhere and we are fragile sometimes. We constantly perpetuate things though in our inner mind it will cause trouble to others and that is life.

What if a certain person, whom you trusted most among the group, made something wrong to you?  What will you do? Can you easily forgive him? Is the pain you are enduring will vanish instantly?  Can you look into his eyes directly? Can you talk to him as if nothing ensued? How much time needed to regain the trust that was broken? And, can you bring back the old times when you are together?

So many questions that need to be answer – an answer that should be based on my principles, ideals, and understanding about this life.  I need to stand for what I believe.  This is me, this is who I am.

Actually, it was my first time to do this. I was really pissed to that person. When I knew what he did, I really want to punch someone.  To shout in my deepest throat, “Why?”. To cuss and call all the “saints” I know.  I can’t control myself that time. There were nights that I can’t sleep in solace thinking of what he did. I trusted him among his peers.  I told myself, that he is good as my bestfriend in Bicol; a candidate, I guess.  I told him my secrets; I kept to him my personal belongings. I uttered to him my beliefs, my principles unhesitatingly. I share things that will develop his persona. I am comfortable with him. He is like a brother to me.  I know that he is walking in some of my footprints and I am happy of that. 

“Think First Before You Do Things”- this is one of lines I told him and keep reminding him about it. You better analyze, weigh and see things futuristically what will happen if you will do this.  I conveyed this to him every time we did certain talk. He concurred to what I am saying, believing myself that it was instill in his mind. But, I was wrong.

I talked to him and told what my mouth must utter. I was furious that time. My eyes possessed a blazing anger that was ready to provoke fire. My hands were trembling due to hate and regret. I don’t want to see his whole face straight because it will just remind me how he betrayed me.

He said with calm and regretful voice, “Sorry and promised not to do that again, I was not thinking when I did that. Sorry Sir. I never thought that it will lead to this.” I know he was serious and he means it. I felt myself guilty after hearing those words.  But, I don’t know why, I can’t accept his apologize. I was hurt and betrayed.  I trust only once to a person, but once you broke it, you need to strive hard to bring back the lost trust. It will be not an easy way.  I told him “I forgive you, but don’t expect that the trust that I gave to you once is the same as before.  We are still friends”. I replied and to end our conversation.  

Somehow, I feel regret to what I have said.  Those words, I presume was terribly impaired him.  However, I must stand for what I believe. I must not let pettiness cover my feelings.

Frankly, until now every time I see him, the damage is still there and it suffocates me.  “Time heals”, as many said, but for me “It is What You Do with the Time that Heals”.