Agony of Heart

Pardon me for babbling this feeling for I can’t hold it anymore.  It’s like I am suffocated if I do not free this anguish in my heart.  Correct if I am wrong with the word “agony”, yes agony, deep pain of my heart.

As I count the days and months that passes, starting when my heart beats for this certain girl, I know for myself that I am in love. I felt so empty without her like a vacant computer that has no use. I want to see her every time. However, there are times that I am so bashful looking at her eyes every time we talk; shy to share some things about things; scare to tell my deepest secrets because she might laugh at me; afraid to tell the feelings that my heart is hiding for so long.  These agonies are the most unbearable, why I am so timid with her.  I fought this bashfulness for so long ever since I felt this unknown emotion. Yet, I am still here, trying to be silent and keeping it only for myself. My friends already told me that I should fight this shyness and tell to her how much I love her, how much I care for her, how important she is to me, but something bothers me – a thoughts that I am not suited for her; she’s so perfect and I am so imperfect.  We will never collide. Seconds thoughts, if’s, but’s always resides in my mind.  I don’t have the courage, arggg!

Maybe, I am a loser; a weak and fragile; frail and has no strength to tell all the things to her. I do not know when the King of Valor sits in my heart. I am hoping this agony will disappear and throw into the midst of nothingness. I don’t need you. Leave me alone.